So This Is What I did For the Past Week Or What I Remember of It.

I had these great writing plans for this past week but they all failed through horribly because of The Flu of Doom. There were moments there I thought for damn-cocking-shit-for-cunting-pisser-fuck that I was going to be the next rare instance of spontaneous human(ish) combustion. My fever broke after one night of hallucinating and flailing about like a minute old kitten but left me weak, sore, tired, thirsty, and with a resilient malaise.

It resurfaced that night after I managed to be well(ish) enough to make it out to the Greater Saint Louis Renaissance Faire Ground (I work there at a smoothie booth on weekends in May and September). Where I spent all of Saturday drifting in and out of consciousness on my boss' bed, visited sporadicly by friends coming up to escape the heat or have an afternoon smoke. I tried valiantly to stay for the Cast party that night but barely made it down to the showers before existence seemed like such a damn hard thing to do.

My friend kindly gathered up my assortment of drugs (for the sickness) and me and drove me home. Through which I spent the entirety of the ride alternatively napping on my stuffed penguin pillow or telling him orders for random fast-food places that I thought I wanted. (I ended up getting a burrito from Chipotle and glaring ardently at the server who, in my opinion was too cheery to live.)

I spent Sunday sleeping or propped up against the headboard pretending to talk to friends but mostly staring out into space and wondering how hard it would be to set the world on fire to make it all stop. I don't even remember Monday except for a throbbing indirect pain in my ears and a coughing that would not cease. What I remember from Tuesday may involve making my friend drive to the store to get me an econo pack of cough drops and some sweets? I'm not sure about the sweets. Wednesday I felt very good. I was well enough to accidentally make previously spoken about generous friend cry no less than three times in a span of two hours. Thursday I thought I was well, honest to Moffat. (Save for the part where I slept for approximately twelve plus hours).

Some time in all of this sleeping and coughing and pain and terribleness I began making plans with my aforementioned friend to start a Food Blog (The (Mis)Adventures of the Cook and the Useless Assistant). I'm the Useless Assistant because I'm lazy and generally just sit there while he's cooking making spousal abuse jokes and cussing a lot).

Also some time in this I agreed to re-watch Jurassic Park with my BFF. We've gone through Jurassic Park, The Lost World, and tonight we're supposed to finish with the third one (We both sort of went all squeally and giggly at the adorable raptors and the too cute baby T-rex).

So that was my experience being exceptionally sick and making some terrible decisions. (Like deciding it was smart to pretty much live off of cough drops and water for a week.)