This is something that has been bothering me for a while

The fact that while my orientation isn't well known it's already developed stereotypes that fuck up how I interact with others.
Because I'm asexual I must:

• Not like sex at all ever.
• Not like to talk about sex ever.
• Not like it when people check me out.
• Be uncomfortable around "sexuals."
• Never want to engage in sex at all.
• Have no desire or reason to have sex.
• Not be flirty at all for any reason.
• Never want to have sex with someone.

Holy fuck, people. Stop this. Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean any of those. The only thing being asexual means is that I do not experience sexual attraction. The rest of these purported traits are simply stereotypes. Not all gay men have sex indiscriminately. Not all heterosexual men only want women for sex. Not all asexuals lack a sex drive.

Putting in a page break to warn my sister that she may find the rest of this post awkward to read.



I want sex. Pretty regularly, in fact. I spend a lot of time being sexually frustrated. I do nothing about it because I don't think sex is a high priority and I don't trust many people enough to do it with them. Having a history of sexual abuse makes me uncomfortable about being naked or being touched in a sexual way. Especially by men. So it's rare I find someone I trust enough, like enough, and find stimulating enough to want to have sex with them. I love people. I love how they look, how they move, how they react. I am endlessly curious about people. And I'm much worse about people I love. I want to touch them. I am extremely tactile. I love touching loved ones. I don't like it when people I don't know well enough touch me. I'm finicky about touching. Even more so about displays of affection. There are certain friends where no matter what I will touch them, hold hands with them, cuddle with them, kiss their head, their cheek, their anything.

But even among my friends there are very little times in which I feel like I would like to have sex with them. I'm not demisexual, I'm not gray asexual. I am flat out asexual. I never experience sexual attraction but rarely I experience an intense curiosity about someone's body- how it reacts, what it tastes like, certain faces, certain noises... etc. I never am sexually attracted to them but I want them (does that make sense? No, I doubt it does). I never experience a desire to copulate. I always try to show my loved ones how I feel with my body. Usually this just extends to platonic high-fives, hugs, sitting close... which sometimes evolves into hand holding, kisses to cheeks, hands, heads, cuddles... etc. But very very rarely this develops into me falling in love with them. These very few people get a different set of displays of affection which include all of the above and add in foreplay (examples: groping, heavy kissing...) Sometimes I let them touch me but very very very very rarely do I fully reciprocate. It's not that I am a selfish lover it's just that I don't trust very many (read: currently no one, historically the count is in the single digits) people enough to show them my sexuality.

I am a very kinky person. I don't think I'm particularly more kinky than the average person just that I don't try to hide it or anything. But I also don't ask of others to participate in my kinks or fetishes. Usually I keep them firmly in the realm of what I watch for porn. I love sex. Every part of it. Even the awkward noises people have a tendency to purposely forget. If I didn't have so many hang-ups I'm sure I would have it quite regularly. But the fact is I do.

For example:

• I love looking at naked people but when someone is naked in the same room as me (especially men) I get uncomfortable. 
• I am a generally dominant person sexually but I have a hard time initiating anything. 
• I always want the other person to initiate it but I have a hard time reading social cues.
• Often times I am unaware of the signals I give off but I always mean them even if I verbally deny it.
• I loved being touched but I hate having my stomach touched. 
• The first few times I have sex with someone I deny myself orgasm no matter how hard it is. 
• I love dirty sex but I am a huge germaphobe.

And those are just a few that I have.

On top of this is the fact that it takes effort for me to realize that I affect other people. It's just hard for me to keep in mind. So I never think on or realize how other people feel for me. Which makes me generally clueless about how my actions effect others. On occasion it has made some believe they had a requited love (when in reality I am just affectionate) and sometimes it has even made people think they have an unrequited love (when in reality I was acting that way because I loved them very deeply).

I have this creeping suspicion that I'm demi-romantic and that's why this is all so confused for me.  =\

But yeah, I'm still pissed at people thinking a stereotype is fact ( even ace/sex-advocates that I know operate with this assumption and it bothers me.)